This was originally posted on Mastodon.

I got word this weekend that a friend passed away last week. I met him in college, we fell out of touch a bit, and then I reconnected with him six or seven years ago as he was beginning an intense struggle with a number of severe, chronic physical illnesses. I have, quite honestly, never seen anyone go through the types of things he went through.

But, you see, this guy was a force of nature. Despite his physical illnesses, he continued to be a loud and effective advocate for trans people, animals, people of color, and, as time went on, patients in care facilities (including himself). He wasn’t happy unless he was being a grain of sand in The System’s shoe.

His physical illness had taken him down to only 70 or 80 pounds, but despite this, he quite literally threw his own body out of his wheelchair and in front of BLM protestors to help protect them from police harassment. That’s the type of person he was.

I was able to visit him in a couple of care facilities and, last year, at his apartment. We cooked scallion pancakes together and chatted about TV, his treatments, and his hopes for the future. He was battling a lot, even beyond his illnesses, but even as things were really dark, he was still thinking about what was ahead for him to do.

He called me in November and I wasn’t able to take his call. When I called him back later that evening, he didn’t answer. And sadly, we didn’t connect again before his passing. I guess there’s always some regret and guilt around things like that when someone dies.

Grief is a tough thing. Grief is love in the face of loss and working with it involves not “getting past” it but learning to integrate it into your life. It involves letting the loss of someone you cared about to change you for the better.

The world was a better place with him in it and I’m a better person for having known him. Miss you, buddy.

Me and my friend, March 2023
A selfie of myself and my friend during our last visit together in 2023.