Turning 30 for me was absolutely no big deal. It didn’t feel like a milestone, I didn’t feel “old” all of a sudden, it was just another birthday. 40, though? Gotta admit: it feels different. It feels like a big number. For the first time, my idea of “old” didn’t shift along with my own age.

I know, I know. You’re only as old as you act, etc.

Despite feeling “big” in some undefinable way, it’s been difficult deciding what to write about turning 40.

I don’t feel like I have any deep wisdom to share, despite having learned a thing or three.

While I’ve clarified a lot of my own beliefs in my mind, I know they continue to be in flux.

A lot of things have happened during the last decade. Two kids and three dogs came into my life. I was vegan for the full decade (and then some). I was laid off, started a side business, and then took my second job since graduating college. Ran a few thousand miles. Yet, these things have nothing to do with entering my fifth decade. They just happened to happen.

I guess the only thing I have to share on the eve of my 40th birthday is this: I’m still figuring this all out. And I’ve got a ways to go, so I’m going to keep going.

Here are a few plans of mine going forward:

  • I won’t become the creepy old guy.
  • I don’t want to be the culturally or technologically out-of-touch old guy, but I also don’t want to be the old guy that looks like he’s trying too hard to hold onto his youth.
  • I will get over the hang-ups I’ve had since I was a kid that still haunt me.
  • I will embrace gray hair gracefully.
  • I will continue to look forward to New Music Friday. Forget this mess.
  • I will let my kids teach me.

As I was finishing this post up, I realized one thing I’ve gotten better at with age: taking things in stride (usually). And maybe that’s why I’m having trouble making too big of a deal about this birthday even though something deep in the back of my mind tells me this is big. Can a day be both monumental and just another day?