As you probably read by now, there was a 4.5 earthquake in Virginia yesterday. I didn’t feel it, Huyen didn’t feel it, and it really didn’t do more than shake a few floors. But if you made the mistake of watching the farce that is Fox 5 News in DC, you might think it was the area’s worst disaster ever.

The lead-in to the news made it clear that the top story would be the earthquake (or “earth tremors,” as they were more accurately referred to on NPR). In fact, they referred to it as a “major event.” Then, two seconds into their report, it was referred to as a “minor quake.” But that didn’t keep them from playing the doomsday music and putting up “Earthquake” in that scary font they reserve for natural disasters and terrorism alerts. The news team was so desperate for this to be a “major event” that they had reporters out everywhere, including random women’s clothing stores, asking people for their amazing stories about what they were doing when the earthquake hit. Each story amounted to, “We weren’t sure if it was an earthquake or a big truck.” The most dramatic story?

“I usually keep my hat on the cash register. After the rumbling, I noticed it fell to the floor.”

My favorite quote, though, came from one of The World’s Most Annoying Reporters, Will Thomas. He couldn’t contain his excitement when he reported—in full drama mode—that, “Some people even had dishes fall over in their cabinets.”

WOW. Now that’s a “major event” for you.

Totally unrelated question: do any area newscasts not suck?